Grief is a peculiar thing. It has a tendency to sneak up on you and dig claws in deep when you least expect it. The silence on my part is because it was the anniversary of losing our baby. I was doing fine, and then had an appointment for a scan. It was a surreal experience walking down exactly the same hospital corridor of a year ago. One couldn't help but make comparisons. Last year I felt a mixture of terror and mortification (lots of blood). On the other hand, this year I am fit and well, and my husband and I have just celebrated our tenth anniversary of meeting each other. There are good things hand in hand with the bad.
Anyway, grief is rather like writer's block. You can understand it is there and why you have it, but that doesn't mean you can actually do anything about it. A month of pondering hasn't brought me much closer to understanding any of the great mysteries of life, so here I am back again, blogging away.
Anyway, grief is rather like writer's block. You can understand it is there and why you have it, but that doesn't mean you can actually do anything about it. A month of pondering hasn't brought me much closer to understanding any of the great mysteries of life, so here I am back again, blogging away.
posted by equiano at 11:20 pm
7 Comments:
Welcome back! We love you, and we've missed you. The Internet is a more boring place without your postings.
Thank you for sharing this. I had a similar experience last December when I had to go back to the hospital where I watched my father die. It was nine years ago but it hit me as if it were yesterday. I am so sorry for your grief, but so glad that you're around again.
Equiano - there is nothing adequate I can say, but I wanted to write that nothing here, so I could be with you for a moment. I'm glad you're back.
Equiano, I'm glad you're back. Thinking of you in your grief.
*hugs*
So glad you're back, and I do feel for you. I've been through the same myself (many, many years ago) so I can imagine how you feel. Why is it so many doctors find it difficult to understand?
It is 23 years since our 5 week old daughter died and it feels no better. It never will. 35 years since the man I was to marry died. Ditto. The fact that I married someone else, the fact that I have 2 other wonderful daughters, does not alter what I feel and will never cease to feel about what happened. You just learn to carry it all with you as you go on your way instead of running round madly trying to 'get over it.'
Dear Equiano,
maybe the understanding you seek will come, but in time. I wish I had an easy answer for you, some consolation, something to say which would make sense of events, then and now; I haven't got that to give you, but I do send my very good wishes and - I hope - some fellow-feeling.
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